Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I am a freshman girl and I am torn. Some days I feel happy but other times I feel really really sad. I am thousands of miles away from all my family, and when they call me I sometimes feel really sad that I am not with them. But then there will be times when I am happy to be at Duke. Other times I will wish I was skinnier and hate my body. But thats most of the time. I'm not even really fat I just want to be thin. It's become one of the only things I think about actually. I can never get myself to diet long enough to lose weight (I always end up caving around Day 4) but I am desperate to. Oh, on top of ALL that, not a single boy here at Duke has taken any interest in me at all. I feel kind of bad about that. Like there must be something physically wrong with me or something. Oh and then on top of that I have recently found myself questioning my sexuality which has been weird as ****. I also feel like I have no real friends here. Like yeah I see them around campus but its only cause they ran into me not because they planned to hang out with me. If God could answer my one prayer, I'd wish to be thin. Thin and beautiful, no matter how much I ate. My second prayer would be to get good grades and be happy.
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5 comments:
i felt EXACTLY the same way freshman year--it's so hard to make friends in a new place far away from home. i hope things get better soon!
me too. I feel like I don't have any real friends.
Dear God. I felt PRECISELY the same way freshman year. You should really consider seeing someone in CAPS. I don't know much from what you've written, but I can tell you that living with depression and an eating disorder and/or eating disorder symptoms/ thoughts will increasingly disrupt your life severely. Deal with it now before things get worse for you. Trust me, my career path is currently paying the price due to my sufferings. I hope you find the help and support to comfort you and ease your troubles, dear.
freshman year is a hard place especially when you are so far from home. I went through the same thing. Don;t despair you'll find your place in time. Friends will change and so will a lot of things.
It was hard for me to accept my sexuality as well but I found going to the LGBT center and talking to the counselors extremely helpful.
Just e-mail one of them and they can meet with you outside of the center if you are nervous about going there.\\
Good luck! Remember: YOU ARE ENOUGH as you are:)!
Sweetie, boys are human. Some of them are confused and timid just like us. And some of them are just complete shmuckballs. Just because they haven't gotten over their own introspection and childish ideas of what a woman is does not mean that you are not beautiful or worthy. You are both. And don't you doubt it for a minute.
Just to let you know, I've been at Duke for 4 years, and I'd consider myself fairly good looking, and I haven't had a boy ask me out once. Nor a man, for that matter. It's a sad thing, but what I've discovered is that Duke culture doesn't encourage dating. Again, it has very little to do with you and a heck of a lot to do with the culture you are in. On the plus side, there are other women (like myself and most of the women I know) who have THRIVED at Duke regardless of their dating status. Duke may suck at finding you a boyfriend, but let me tell you, you can leave with all of your bridesmaids. And they'll be your friends for life.
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