i am scared i'm in love with someone who will never love me back. i would probably do anything for this person. which makes me hate myself because they treated me like ...i was nothing. which made me think i was nothing. but i dont know whether to be thankful for it or not because i tried to overcome the nothingness with so many things and so many passions and so many friends, and now i am so happy. and i never would've been this happy. the only thing i am missing is this person. why does it have to be this way? i feel like there are so few people who i could potentially have these feelings for. why does the one person i've ever felt this way about, not feel the same way about me? maybe its a lesson we all have to learn. though i dont know what that lesson is...that life isn't fair? because i definitely already knew that.

I'm gay and I think I'm starting to get attached to my regular hook up and I'm not sure if he feels the same way.

Why do all the girls here always act like they are competiting against each other, to see who looks the best or who sleeps with the hottest looking guys? I was sitting in the Perk today and like 20 sorority girls passed me and they all looked like Coco Chanel about to go on some foreign adventure, lean toned frames, long, sexy hair, gorgeous eyes and everything. And then there I was, sitting there in shorts and a T Shirt and my '2-days too many since a shower' ponytail, and I realized how good they looked and how bad I must look. And then I realized it was kind of sad that thought they honestly had to walk around looking like models for people to like them. Girls, we are all in this together, we all go through the same problems. I AM that dirty sweat-shirt and jeans girl sitting with the gross ponytail hair in the perk and you walk by me and give me that LOOK like 'Who is she, she is such an ugly nerd', but I am just like you. Please stop competing with me.

It's so funny. I read all these posts on here from fellow lesbians who say they want true love but are afraid to come out-and I know I am one of them too. It sucks to want love so badly in your life but you can't even connect to these potential relationships because they don't know about you and you don't know about them. I think I need to go to the LGBT group to actually find a relationship but the sad thing is that I am so self-conscious I am afraid of what lesbians will think of me, because I am so far from perfect. And I am afraid of what people would think of me, like what if someone saw me entering or leaving that building below the Outpost? I think I would just die.

I am also a lesbian at Duke but I don't even have enough courage to do to the Women Loving Women. I don't know what to do. It's like I desperately want to connect with lesbian women here at Duke but I have no idea how.

I feel like most pre-med students here are slightly psychotic and very fake. I should know, I'm one of them. Dear professors who teach hard-core pre-med classes, sorry we're such a pain!

I thought I had made a bad decision by going out tonight... But I learned a lot from a person that I didn't even know. Ladies, I know there is a shortage of men at Duke, but tonight I met one that's worth it. He said no to something that I couldn't say no to and that was a very valuable lesson for me. I had seen him around campus, but tonight I found out how much he cares about what he does, and he won't put anything before himself. I think I needed to learn that and not put anything or anybody else before myself. I know I need to get rid of the people in my life who hurt or use me, I've seen it happen to a lot of other girls too. This guy only gave a ride so I dont expect to see him again, but its good to know that we have men like that at Duke.

People are getting engaged. And I have never had a boyfriend. What is wrong with me?

I will not cry. I will not break down. I will not give in. I am stronger than that. I just need to remind myself this is true--and one day I will believe it.

I love how caring and warm responders are on this site. I just wish we could have a little more of this in our day-to-day interactions.

I'm a second semester senior at Duke, and I have truly had the best time here. My random roommate from freshman year is still my roommate and counting; I have found many creative, caring, smart and funny people in my classes and my extracurrics; I am in a loving and supportive relationship; and whenever I've had patches of hard times I have always been gratefully surprised by the support and compassion of my peers. I'm a god-damn independent and loving it. I am not blond, tall or skinny. I am not an athlete or here on a scholarship. But I have had the best college experience I could have ever asked for. Thank you Duke.

I wear my mental disorder as a badge of honor. I see no reason why I should be ashamed of it; I've gone a lot further than many 'normal' people and I believe I can go even farther with treatment. It has given me the chance to look at the world in a way I don't think a 'normal' person usually does. I believe you are not judged on the hand you are dealt, but rather, how you play it. We weren't all dealt the same hand, so why should we think we can get by playing the same way? The only way gain is to have faith in your hand and your ability to play. Otherwise, you will loose the most important thing of all: yourself.

I'm so excited to go abroad this fall. There are so many great things at Duke - my friends, my organizations, the parties, the classes - but I want something different. My friends at state schools tell me about all the fun that they're having and I'm having fun too at Duke but I can tell that it's not the same kind of fun. Not by a longshot. This fall will be a semester to relax, explore, and have that memorable experience that I'll tell my kids about through endless stories.

Last night, I tried to tell my best friend something that has been plaguing me for 9 months. When i sat down to show her that I love her, it became a huge joke. Instead of understanding that what I was saying was perhaps one of the most difficult conversations I have ever had and how all I wanted was her to hug me, she just sort of made it into a little stupid lesbian crush. Worst of all, I went along. The thing is, I am really happy now. I love my life, but I dont want to be in this position, the annoying sidekick staring adoringly with puppy-dog eyes. I know that I desperately need to just meet another girl and focus my attention elsewhere, but how I am I supposed to do that at Duke. I do not know one single other lesbian here.

I feel fat. I HATE my body. It used to be so good before I came to Duke. :( I am a lesbian but no one knows it. I'm way too scared to EVER come out. But its nice to see a few lesbians who posted on here. It makes me feel less alone. =) Oh, and on top of ALL that, I am crushing on my teacher. wonderfulll.

In all my years being single, I was never as alone as my boyfriend makes me feel. Still, I can't break up with him-- I need this, my first shot, to work somehow, or I'm worried I'll never want to try again.

I remember last year during finals week, this blonde girl (who is in one of the key three sororities) had photocopied a 'cheat sheet' and snuck it under her exam. She showed it to the frat guys next to her--they all had a copy. So she's taking the test, looking at her cheat sheet, while the professor is sitting in front of the 200 person lecture class totally oblivious. She probably ended up with an A in that class, while I ended up with an A-. I'm not bitter about the grade. But I absolutely hate those people. Those people who think they're better than everyone because they're in some random group with random greek letters and who cheat... who cheat on a fucking psychology test. Personality psychology isn't that hard. No need to cheat, girl.

Duke cites the study on female undergraduates at Duke all the time--the one that says that women leave Duke with less self-confidence than they came in with. It makes me feel so sad to believe that that's at all true, because I'm leaving Duke with more self-confidence, self-knowledge, and self-love than I thought was possible when I first set foot on campus almost 4 years ago...and I have my Duke experience to thank for that.

I'm doing TERRIBLY in classes. I mean, I'm trying, I really am... but definitely not as much as I could be trying. I just have no motivation. I've never been so unmotivated in my life. I loved this school before. But right now, I just want to go home and never come back here. I've never felt so inadequate in my life. I used to be on top of the world. Perfect grades, perfect social life, perfect extracurriculars, perfect relationship... I just don't understand how things can turn so quickly.

I am 100% in love with Duke. I love my friends, my classes, my living situation, my love life, my research position, my fitness routine, this gorgeous campus and the Carolina weather, yet I puke my guts out every night in the dorm bathroom. I am all of a sudden terrified of gaining weight and not finding love before graduating Duke. Maybe it's not him, it's me. Maybe if I was a bit thinner and went out a few more nights a week, I'd meet that special someone. It's silly, and purging is dangerous, and I know better. Feeling utterly trapped.

two of my good friends have been raped. it kills me to know that these girls are the most beautiful girls in the world and to be used like that, hurts me so much. they are the most beautiful, smart, intelligent, girls in the world. they dedicate their lives so much to other people. then why do these males treat them like this?

My roommate is here on full scholarship. She has a near 4.0. I, on the other hand, pay 50k a year for Duke. I have less than a 3.0.

I hate myself and I can't stop. I wish I had something more brave to say, something inspiring or clever or endearing, but I don't. I have really good friends, I come from a nice home, I get almost perfect grades, but the only thing I can think about myself is how much of a complete fuck-up I am and how it's only a matter of time before everybody else figures it out too. I'm a good person at heart, but it doesn't matter. I'm a failure, and I'll never be worth anything. Sometimes at night I curl up smaller and smaller. I'm so sorry that I'm wasting your space. I'm so sorry that I'm this wretched and pathetic. I'm so sorry that I'm not enough of anything or to be anybody else.

This school makes me feel mediocre. I just got waitlisted for the single program I applied to next fall. Meanwhile, one of my closest friends can't decide between three programs, one of which is practically the best in the country. I don't want to be jealous, but I'm overwhelmed with work, school, and an extracurricular and still don't feel like I'm doing enough. Oh yeah, and I'm a senior. I'm supposed to be having an awesome year.

I look forward to Tuesdays and Thursdays now as 'eating days.' They are the days I allow myself a meal--a single meal--at dinner time.

I'm so sad. I hate it how professors make themselves all intimidating and unapproachable. Whenever I talk to them, I hate it how they make me feel like I'm so stupid and wasting their time. It's not my fault that their exams are impossible, and it's not my problem that there are people who do get 100% on them... that doesn't make the unfairness excusable. I hate it how professors don't understand that we don't have time to do everything all at once... we can't read 200 pages within two days or write papers on end, etc. I know your class is supposed to be hard, but why treat us this way? Overall, I regret having come to Duke. I tell people from my high school not to come here. It's a waste of my parents money and has significantly lowered my self esteem and worth.

My girlfriend just broke up with me. God, I hate being a single lesbian in Durham. I feel defeated.

It has been years and I am dating someone else who I love very much but sometimes I wonder if I am over you.

People here can be so self-centered and uncaring. They may speak of doing humanitarian services like Duke Engage, but when it comes to showing compassion without the 'Duke Engage'-type label, their insensitivity for the stranger or friend who goes to their own college knows no bounds. That being said, I have met some genuinely friendly people here, but they are a minority in the blissfully ignorant crowd.

It's disgusting how many people at Duke take the honor code as a joke. I don't like how people even laugh about it in public. I'm so angry at some 'friends' who used me (i.e. wanted to 'look' at my work to see how I solved something, but blatantly copy off my papers), and ended up getting better grades than I did. What infuriates me more is that it's these same type of people who get drunk every weekend and yet pull more A's than I'll ever be capable of, even though I'm the loser studying in the library on Fridays, NOT getting silly drunk. I wish my teachers knew just how much effort I put into my classes, and that my effort would be reflected in my grades. Because I am sick of being honest and trying my best, and it not getting me anywhere; while others cheat their way through and get straight A's. Half of them don't even care about their classes the way I do. Maybe I'll just be forever dumb.

I wish the female population on this campus wasn't so obsessed with appearance (e.g. body image). I'm so sick of going to a school that pretty much expects females to look like they just stepped out of a clothing catalogue 24/7. The worst part is, I won't ever look the part, so I'll always stick out like a sore thumb, all eyes scrutinizing my hideous body, face, and clothes.

once people get to know me, they wish they hadn't. I've driven both my past and current roommates to dislike me and not want to be my friend. They don't say it outright, but I can sense it in their actions and now they very subtly make fun of me. And I definitely notice.

I've been secretly training for a triathlon for almost 2 months now. It's a secret because no one would expect it of me and I want to surprise them. The look on their faces when I invite them to come see me compete is enough to make me push on when it gets hard. I also want to prove to myself that I can do it, but if I don't, no one will know I failed. I want to know that I can walk the talk.

I'm a Duke sophomore and I like to think I'm bisexual. Since coming to school I've found less girls that are attractive to me and I have been more interested in guys. But I only wish it were easier to find someone to love and spend time with. Why can;t the people in this school be more open and not force people back in the closet? Why do you have to say things like that is so gay or he;s such a fag when you know it hurts me inside?

Every time: friends ask how my girlfriend is doing, I hold her hand while walking on the quad, she cuddles with me in her common room, people tell us how adorable we are together, we can be ourselves anywhere on campus - I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Thank you for being so wonderful. :)

I a woman and I just found out that the girl I have been in love with since September is gay. I am not supposed to know. She is probably never going to be 'out,' I probably never will be either. Even if we could be honest with each other, I doubt she'd be attracted to me. I wish I didn't know and this could have just stayed an impossibility I would have to get over.

I am slimming down, but no one knows how hard I'm trying. I only want to lose about 15 pounds, it's not unhealthy, but I wonder how long I can sustain a diet like this. Even when it's nowhere near an eating disorder, trying to lose weight takes over your consciousness and becomes a complete obsession, and I wonder whether it's better to have a body you feel confident about, or to be free from the constant nagging thoughts of 'what can I eat today?'. Duke's unhealthy food offerings don't help

I read this blog a lot and always do my best to offer advice/ commentary to others. And I try my best to tell others that there's hope and to offer positive support. Yet I feel not one of my friends has ever done the same, nor do I feel that they will ever. Why would they anyway? I'm not worth their time, apparently, and I've learned that even if I disappear for a long time, it doesn't make a dent in their daily lives... I took this semester off, and in the back of my mind, I had a feeling that no one would notice. Boy, was I right. No one has called me. Even when I was there, no one ever called me to say, 'Hey, I just wanted to know how you were doing', to make plans with me, or to include me in their plans (with the exception of my roommate because I know she pitied me after she knew how much I cried about this). I wish my friends would call me. Just once. No one returns my calls either. It hurts me deeply that last semester, despite my severe depression, I was desperately willing to go out of MY way to hang out with others, but others didn't care the slightest to put an ounce of effort into seeing me. It would be nice, for a change, to feel wanted, to feel that at least ONE friend at Duke loves me. I made so much effort last semester to go out of my way to see my friends on West, even though my grades couldn't take any more negligence. I made so much effort despite the fact that all I wanted to do instead was catch up on my sleep because my depressed brain couldn't take it anymore. I made the effort, despite the fact that I had spent half of my day crying, wanting to die, loathing my fat and ugly body and then numbing myself with food; a quarter of my day being immobilized from my incompetence and mentally berating myself for all my faults; and the other quarter forcing my fatigued brain to squeeze out a less-than-mediocre product so that I would not fail (and I'm not talking 'I-got-a-B' failed). The LEAST they could do is not erase my existence from their memories. I only have one friend who calls me. One. She doesn't go to Duke. I am so ashamed to admit it, but that's the truth. I don't know why nobody likes me at all. What did I ever do to deserve this? All my life it's been like this, and I don't know why. I try so hard to please everybody else, to be wary of what I do or say to make sure I don't hurt anybody else's feelings. Why is it that no one seems to like me and want me around? Am I ugly? Annoying? Do I speak in a funny manner? Sound funny? Is my personality not 'normal' enough for you? I know that my calling is to be a clinical psychologist so that I can help others like myself through depression, loneliness, broken families, eating disorders of all types, anxiety, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and God knows whatever else I've been through and still struggle with. I just wish I felt that I had someone at Duke who cared for me in the way I care for others. Apparently, I am worth NOTHING. Never was, never have been, and never will be. I KNEW I shouldn't have gone to Duke, and instead gone to the college that I picked Duke over, just because I wanted to feel special. I now know that I would have been special there, and not at Duke, but I've wasted my college career here that I'm not so sure if it's a good idea to transfer so late in the game. Maybe if they knew that I have cried myself to sleep almost every night for the past four years and counting, they would have the decency to call to at least ask, 'Hey, are you still alive or did you finally grant our wish and commit suicide?' Looks like this night is no exception."

I think I am falling in love with someone who already has a boyfriend. I think we work really well together. I never met her boyfriend but as much as I would like to think that he is a total ass, he is probably a great person since she chose to date him in the first place.

I am involved in a club on campus where I am
completely disrespected, not taken seriously, and not even considered
'a part of', despite the hours I put in. All I want to do is quit and
save my dignity, but I know that if I do, I'll have an empty resume."
"2/16/09","1:15 AM","I think I am falling in love with someone who
already has a boyfriend. I think we work really well together. I
never met her boyfriend but as much as I would like to think that he
is a total ass, he is probably a great person since she chose to date
him in the first place.

The one thing that I never fail to do is prove to
myself again and again what a failure my life is.

This summer, I will not have a cool internship.
Nor will I travel, do Duke Engage or even have a really boring
internship that will get me connections or a job for next year. I will
be working as a waitress to earn enough money to finish my senior
year. It sucks that my family really does need me to do this to help
out, but I will never get financial aid. I shouldn't have to limit my
experiences because of money, but I feel that so many of the unique
opportunities Duke offers require your family to have lots of extra
money to spend.

I have never had a perfect body, and it has
never bothered me until now, my last year at Duke. I am wondering why
after four years of feeling confident in the way I look, I am just now
starting to compare myself to the girls on campus. The whole women's
initiative findings report thing-- about how girls leave Duke with
much less self-confidence than when they enter Duke-- really seems to
be ringing true in my personal experience. I hate that I am going to
be entering into the world dealing with body image issues that I feel
like I should be over by now-- isn't high school the appropriate time
to really care about this stuff? Adults shouldn't be worried about
their weight, and suddenly it is all I think about. Thanks, Duke
culture, for this sweet little parting gift.

I like you. I really do. I know you're flirting
with me, taking interest in me, poking me on facebook. However,
earlier this year I dated this guy who turned out to be a complete
ass. He made me think that we were going out, he made me think I was
his special someone, he made me think I loved him until I realized
that I was only a notch on his belt, a pawn in his game. And, for
all you men out there: Do not use a girl. Please, do not. I am a
brilliant, attractive, beautiful, talented, sociable girl. But after I
dated him, I just felt completely... useless. Like I was a pawn in his
game. I was used. I felt like I could have offered the world so
much... but instead I offered it to him. asshole.

this site was mentioned to me as the anti-juicy campus. (yes, finally!) but so many of the stories i have seen are so frightened, timid, afraid to get the help that the people writing them really need, that it's just as depressing. the worst part of it is, i probably know a few of you, maybe well, and that means you're scared to confide in me. that hurts me as much as it hurts to read your stories. i want you to know, i'm there for you. and i feel like more other people than you know would be too. please, don't internalize your struggles. let your friends help you through it.

my friends know that I'm going through a hard time, but they refuse to listen. I'd be better off without knowing them anyway. It just makes everything worse.

I wish my happiness wasn't so dependent on things outside of my control. I wish I had the inner confidence to go after what I want and to swim against the tide.

Don't give up yet. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel; the rain will stop and sun will come out again. So let's keep going.

I hate duke. Because I have no friends here. Because I never rushed to be in a sorority. Because my social life sucks and I spend most Friday nights alone in my apartment. And despite being so anti-social my grades are not great. I can't wait to graduate and start from scratch.

All of my friends are leading their own lives. I just need someone to depend on.

Is it too much to want someone to love me? God I hate being a lesbian down here...

I want to win. Just this once. I'm sick of losing everything all the time. It hurts knowing there's no way I can win this time. I fail. Indefinitely.

I am actually a little disappointed to see Juicy Campus shut down. I thought it was the best place to give those people who are so full of themselves on campus what they deserve. Well, at least, they don't have Juicy Campus to build as big of a freaking reputation anymore...

I'm soo not straight. I would think about coming out but the thing that makes me afraid isn't what EVERYONE will think, just my best friend, who's said things that imply that gay is not okay. I believe the phrase that says something to the effect that your friends will stick by you and those who don't deserve you.. but the thing is that she's my only friend. So if I tell her and she feels how I think she does...what then?

i feel so depressed all the time, and i don't know what to do about it. people around me joke all the time about how depression is normal, life is hard, yada yada. and yet i'm scared because i feel a lot sadder than i used to, i'm getting a lot more afraid of my thoughts, and it's getting harder to get out of bed in the morning / not break down crying in the middle of class (... about that ...). i've tried the whole caps thing - therapists just make me feel worse. i'm scared of happy pills. i just don't know what to do. :( help?

I hate my thesis. And I'm resentful of my advisor for demanding so much of me when I see my friends' advisors letting them do so much less. It doesn't help that I absolutely loathe my topic.

I am SO excited for Valentines Day...I have found true love!

I hate my thesis. And I'm resentful of my advisor for demanding so much of me when I see my friends' advisors letting them do so much less. It doesn't help that I absolutely loathe my topic.

I've been told that the reason people don't like me is because I make too many jokes, or because I take the time to defend my beliefs when others simply want me to join the crowd. The worst part is that people band together to try to 'ruin' me, but I just laugh because I have enough self-respect that I really don't care if our friendships failed. Is it bad that I like my own personality so much that I refuse to change it just so that I have friends? I tend to defend myself no matter what the cost, but that often leaves me a pariah. I expect other people to see the value that is so obvious to myself, but maybe my sights are set too high.

I'm one of those skinny sorority girls that you see working out every day on the treadmill, but don't judge me. I think my body is beautiful and I am completely comfortable with my appearance. The reason I work out is to have the stamina each weekend to dance all night at Shooters and then go home to have amazing sex with my boyfriend.

I really want to do something for Valentine's Day but my boyfriend doesn't have time to plan or perhaps doesn't want to do anything. It really hurts my feelings and makes me feel sad...almost like I'm last priority. I know it's silly but it's important to me that he takes this one day to kind of 'celebrate' me and our relationship. And I know it's just one day, that every day should be Valentine's day but we've been so stressed with school that I feel like we haven't gotten to spend any quality time together since we've been back this semester. I am probably selfish and terrible, but I just want to do something special for Valentine's day. It would make me feel really good.

I'm in love with my RA who's a medical student....

I'm going to be commissioned over Spring Break. Why aren't my friends happy for me?

I LOVE my classes this semester :)

I realized that it doesn't matter what I look like anymore. What a relief! I am so much happier now. =)

After my girlfriend broke up with me, I started drinking and doing drugs to forget. I feel like I screwed myself up and fear how the things that I did to forget will come back to haunt me later.

i have bad skin and it makes me incredibly self-conscious. it bothers me a lot and my confidence has suffered a major blow from it. i finally got up the courage to talk to my best friends about it, but it's still a shameful topic. i don't know if i'll ever be able to bring my self-esteem back up.

I'm tired of being judged by people, especially my friends.

I am crushing so hard, it's embarrassing.

I am so tired of being lonely. Will someone please just love me? If only for a little while...

I am a freshman girl and I am torn. Some days I feel happy but other times I feel really really sad. I am thousands of miles away from all my family, and when they call me I sometimes feel really sad that I am not with them. But then there will be times when I am happy to be at Duke. Other times I will wish I was skinnier and hate my body. But thats most of the time. I'm not even really fat I just want to be thin. It's become one of the only things I think about actually. I can never get myself to diet long enough to lose weight (I always end up caving around Day 4) but I am desperate to. Oh, on top of ALL that, not a single boy here at Duke has taken any interest in me at all. I feel kind of bad about that. Like there must be something physically wrong with me or something. Oh and then on top of that I have recently found myself questioning my sexuality which has been weird as ****. I also feel like I have no real friends here. Like yeah I see them around campus but its only cause they ran into me not because they planned to hang out with me. If God could answer my one prayer, I'd wish to be thin. Thin and beautiful, no matter how much I ate. My second prayer would be to get good grades and be happy.

1/19/09","12:18 AM","I really, really like the Twilight books. So there.

I am so happy that I am drunk. I actually like myself now. Too bad that it's all going to end in the morning.

I hate the chase.

i hate drama. i hate losing control. i hate wondering what someone else is thinking. i hate waiting around. i told myself i would never do this, but here i am.

I wish I had more enthusiasm for life. I don't think I'm depressed, I'm just not happy. I am a screw-up in many ways so I guess that helped form that concept of myself.

There are very few things in my life that make it worth living. And even these things are dependent on other people, rather than myself. I know it shouldn't be that way but I don't know how to make things better.

Sometimes I feel forgotten. It's the worst feeling in the world

I am currently a sophomore male at Duke and have a great group of friends who I live with. I truly have a lot to be thankful for! :D However, I still feel inadequate in many respects. I did really well on my SATs (40 points shy of perfect) and that's the only reason why I got into Duke. My powerful logical abilities made up for my complete lack of drive. I have had alcohol dependency problems for over five years and that brought a huge blow to my GPA freshman year. It's the only way I can ever meet girls. I don't possess much self-confidence, so girls would never be interested in me in my sober state. I am happy though that I finally figured out how to get good grades and drink alcohol- it's all about time management. It makes me happy that I can do this while taking on a 'difficult' major in which I'm competing with mostly nerds who don't drink. I just wish girls would stop classifying me as a nerd too...

Starting this semester all of my close girl friends at Duke are now dating people. I'm happy for them, but I'm afraid I'm going to be lonely for their company. And on another note, what makes me so unlikeable, that everyone I know is happy and I'm alone?

I care way too much what other people think of me, especially my appearance and grades. It's pathetic.

I am a lesbian. And I act very feminine. But I can never tell anyone how I REALLY feel at Duke. Are you kidding?? Can you imagine it? I already have so FEW FRIENDS, I wonder if I would have ANY by the time I came out? What a joke! I envy those people who can go to fab friday and still have friends.

Sometimes I feel forgotten. It's the worst feeling in the world.

I am currently a sophomore male at Duke and have a great group of friends who I live with. I truly have a lot to be thankful for! :D However, I still feel inadequate in many respects. I did really well on my SATs (40 points shy of perfect) and that's the only reason why I got into Duke. My powerful logical abilities made up for my complete lack of drive. I have had alcohol dependency problems for over five years and that brought a huge blow to my GPA freshman year. It's the only way I can ever meet girls. I don't possess much self-confidence, so girls would never be interested in me in my sober state. I am happy though that I finally figured out how to get good grades and drink alcohol- it's all about time management. It makes me happy that I can do this while taking on a 'difficult' major in which I'm competing with mostly nerds who don't drink. I just wish girls would stop classifying me as a nerd too...

Starting this semester all of my close girl friends at Duke are now dating people. I'm happy for them, but I'm afraid I'm going to be lonely for their company. And on another note, what makes me so unlikeable, that everyone I know is happy and I'm alone?

I care way too much what other people think of me, especially my appearance and grades. It's pathetic.

I am a lesbian. And I act very feminine. But I can never tell anyone how I REALLY feel at Duke. Are you kidding?? Can you imagine it? I already have so FEW FRIENDS, I wonder if I would have ANY by the time I came out? What a joke! I envy those people who can go to fab friday and still have friends.

The ideal 'romantic' relationship that everyone (well, not everyone obviously) at duke is looking for is stripped completely of all emotions and feelings. This ideal is not gender specific... I can name just as many women who want this as I can name men. This is something that I've become accustom to and have begun thinking that relationships with meaning and depth are crazy, unrealistic and a terrible idea. Last semester, I had the 'ideal' relationship (aka hook-up buddy, fuck buddy, whatever you want to call it). It was thrilling, fun and exciting; I thought I had played my cards right and had beaten the game. Then I started to get slightly emotionally attached, which I knew was a huge no-no. I realized over break that this was a toxic relationship (it seems so obvious now...) and need to get out of it, have a little self dignity. This culture that we have is so terribly confusing and hurtful. I am regretful that I have contributed to it for three and a half years and can only hope that the younger dukies can be smarter and stop the cycle.

I am so excited and happy to be back at Duke for another semester! What are you excited about?

I went to the mall today and saw a shirtless Abercrombie mannequin. He was impossibly lean and cut. I want to be like it.

I almost wish you'd failed and had to do a 'victory lap', if only so that we could have had another year together.

I want to quit Duke and become a rock star.

I am a lesbian and I am in love with you!

All I want is to be skinny so that people will like me.

I fucking hate Christmas.

You raped me. I can't face it but I can't forget it either.

I am really nervous about next semester. My two best friends are both going abroad. This are the people I have hung out with since the first week of freshman year. I have other friends, but none that are this close. I don't know who I am going to eat dinner with, hang out with on Friday night, or even who will drive me to cook out or target. Everyone keeps telling me to make new friends, but people already have their set group of friends by junior year. Hopefully I will find new people to spend time with and all this worrying is for nothing. Or maybe I will just study a lot and get better grades than this semester.

I am so happy to be home.

I very publicly look down on women who aspire to marry young, have kids, and stay at home. I am just so bitter, so critical, so judgmental of them. But sometimes I wonder if deep down, the reason why I hate them so much is because despite my lofty career aspirations, I would like to do the same. I don't think I would like that...would I? Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I have no idea what I really want.

I studied abroad on a non-duke program this semester and somehow felt so pretty, so smart, whatever. just looking at pics from the duke people studying abroad and thinking about coming back to do rush for the frosh is making me feel like inadequate shit all over again.

People kept telling me over the summer to just join lots of clubs to meet people. Well, I did, and I've met people, but I haven't met anyone who CARES about me. Just countless people who walk past with a raised eyebrow the few times I wasn't able to make it out of my dorm room before I burst into tears. I'm counting on things to get better. I don't mind that it's hard now, I just want someone to care about me.

I wish that I could figure you out. You've changed me in so many ways, good and bad, and I can't go back to the person I was before I met you. I think I like the person I am around you, but I don't know if that's just because I want you to like me. Why do I feel like I get so many mixed messages from you. I hate this wall that never completely disappears. Stop making me second guess myself. I can't help but care what you think but sometimes I think you don't give a shit at all.

I am blessed, and I'm so afraid of not living up to it that I think I may be undermining it.

I rocked the final in a class I've been bombing. It's not going to save my grade, but I hope it shows the professor that I actually have been trying. It showed me that I actually have been learning.

I don't know when you decided we were buddies, but thank you. Being your friend is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I'm sorry I didn't notice you sooner.

I've found a man whom I would vow to love, honor, and obey. Even if we never become more than friends, I am happier knowing that there are men like him out there, men I can fully trust, respect, and admire. He is going to make someone's life wonderful.

i just got two B+s and a B-. I don't know my other grades. But I don't care, I feel like a complete failure.

Being abroad has completely changed my view on Duke and the students here. I've met so many incredible people that I never knew existed. I know things won't be the same when I go back, but I'm so thankful for all the friends and great times I have. I've never felt so confident and happy about myself. I can't wait to go back to Duke as a better person.

I don't understand Duke students. There are so many people at the library... it's about 4:30 in the morning. so many people are taking adderol and other illegal drugs to keep themselves focused... i can't compete... i can't compete with these people... my health is more important than my grades i just wish... i sometimes wish the professors knew this. and treated us more like real people. or could be more understanding. or just the administration. maybe.

I only noticed/was attracted to/liked you because you noticed/were attracted to/liked me.

'she's just the way she is, no one has told her that's ok' All my life I wanted to change everything about me because I thought it was 'not good enough'. I started getting my confidence back this year, and I met a guy. We were unofficially dating and hooking up regularly. We had never talked about us being exclusive, but I had assumed it just because we were hanging out with each other a lot. Just a few weeks ago he started ignoring my texts and stuff... I thought he was just under a lot of stress during finals, so I didn't put too much thought into it. Just a few days ago, his facebook status was 'in a relationship' This was the only guy I've liked and been interested in at Duke. I thought he wasn't like the other Duke boy players; I thought he liked me for me. He didn't just want to hook up with me once and never talk to me again. I guess I was wrong. And I saw his newly changed profile picture of him with this blonde chick. I don't know who she is, but did he choose her because she's skinny and blonde? and I'm muscular and brunette? 'she prays someone she'll find someone to need her... she swears there is no difference between the lies and compliments, it's all the same if everyone needs her' Is it because I'm not super smart nor skinny nor attractive? Boys, let me give you one tip: please, do not lead a girl on just because you want someone to hook up with and be with... but don't lead her on until you find someone better. we're all humans. and insecure. be respectful. and so i don't know what to do now. I opened myself for the first time and realized i wasn't wanted.

It's not that I tell outright lies. It's that I never really say anything. I don't like talking to anyone, but I'm also despairingly lonely. When I try to explain my feelings to my friends, I get embarrassed. It's starting to seem like all we talk about is my stress. They are starting to give me the 'shut the fuck up' look. I've heard of terribly depressed people who 'play the happy clown.' I wonder how they do it. I would love to make people think I were Okay.

DukeEngage changed my life. I always thought I was just a critical person, a semi-sensitive romantic who had to put up barriers in order to prevent getting hurt. I didn't realize I had turned into a closed-off cynic who made disparaging remarks behind other people's backs. This summer I met the most amazing people--both Dukies and non-Dukies--who helped me break down my barriers. I finally feel like I am in an open and positive place in my life. Even in this week of stress-inducing finals, I still feel happy. And I can say definitively and without guise that DukeEngage has changed my life and made me the person I had mistakenly thought I already was.

As much as I have loved my undergraduate experience, the one thing Duke has managed to hammer into my head is the certainty that I am, at best, mediocre and, at worst, incredibly inferior. I wanted so much to shine but I think whatever glow I came to school with has since faded into nothing.

I don't know what I want any more. Or maybe I do and I'm far too terrified to pursue it because the chances of success are so slim. Am I willing to lock myself into a future I don't particularly want just because I'm so scared of failing? Maybe I am. I don't know.

In October I hooked up with this guy. I didn't realize how much I really liked him until he started dating somebody else less than a week later. Now all I can think about is how much I miss him, but he doesn't know I feel this way. Now, whenever I see them together it kills me.

I love exams. They are a lot of pressure, but it gives me a time to dig into my classes, show myself and my professors what I know and have the pleasure of work that so many people are missing right now.

I wish there were more male virgins. And guys around who are waiting until marriage to have sex regardless of past experience. And I wish the guys who are like this would be more vocal. Every time a guy shows interest and attraction I'm already thinking of how I'm going to embark on my schpell. And if he's worth making myself vulnerable/what I think his reaction is going to be. 'Oh by the way, I'm not going to have sex with you so if that's a problem let's not even start because then the let down is even worse.' It's the worst feeling when you start liking someone only to realize yeah he liked you but ultimately the priority was not you for you. It's flattering to know you're desirable until you realize the reason you are desirable is purely physical. There is more to people than their bodies and it hurts when I realize you care more about what my body is going to do for you than who I am.

i just found out today that my best friend has been lying to me about her grades for years. It makes me incredibly sad that someone as strong and intelligent as they are couldn't tell their closest ally because they felt they had to prove something.

I finally feel happy at Duke...now that I only have one semester left. I wish I could have discovered my niche earlier, but I guess I just have to be positive and make the best of my last semester.

Stop leading people on! Don't kiss someone if you don't mean it, don't have sex with them if you're not going to call (or worse, if you're just going to ignore them for the next two weeks). Why is it so hard for people to just be decent to eachother when it comes to sex/love/etc? Guys who are perfectly nice otherwise can be complete assholes to girls they're involved with. I don't get it. I don't get why showing a guy you're interested in him is practically a death sentence to the potential relationship. I'm fucking sick of being told play hard to get... I just want to give myself to someone, completely. But as soon as I do that, oh forget it, it's over! He just wanted no-strings-attached sex. On the other hand, if I reject someone, it only makes him want it more. I'm pretty sure this post would get about 100 'me too' replies. So instead of that, can anyone please explain to me why this happens?

I've seen you around everywhere since freshmen year, and I think you've notice me too. We have a number of mutual friends, and you're typically talking to one of them when I see you, but I always avoid making eye contact with you when saying hi to them. On campus. The gym. The library. Recently, I found out you're graduating early this semester. Guess I can kiss that chance goodbye. The worst part is that we're both guys.

I love my school and bleed Duke blue. Sure all my classes are kicking my ass, but I still couldn't be happier. I think I'm the only one who likes Duke more than I like my own house. Oh and the people are all gorgeous here. Nothing can compare to having conversations with my friends at two in the morning when I have a test in six hours. I'm really happy I chose Duke.

I hate that all my girl friends at Duke have an unhealthy relationship with food. It's not that they all have eating disorders, but they constantly watch what they eat and that makes me act the same way. I never even consider it when I'm at home."

I have an eating disorder. I am effortless perfection.

Everyone at Duke is so skinny. It's like skinny people here are considered 'normal', average people are considered 'fat' and fat people are considered untouchable. The anorexic girls are all the sorority chicks either that or they have an eating disorder and it's just not working. Last night I heard my roommate throw up in the trash. She has bulimea and I can't take it anymore. Whats wrong with being NORMAL body weight?

I heard there is terrible hazing in sororities but I don't care anymore. I want to be in a sorority more than anything I have ever wanted in the whole world. If they don't take me I'll just die.

Today I decided to have an eating disorder. I'm not even fat but I can't take it anymore. Everyone is going to rush next semester and I am not as skinny as those girls so I'll never get into the core four. I think if I stop eating completely I should be able to get into a good sorority.

i've been taking an antidepressant for two years now. i've changed so much...i'm so much happier, so much more social. i don't cry at the drop of a hat like i used to. i don't know how much of it is because of the drug and how much of it would've happened naturally. i'm terrified of going off it and finding out the answer to that question. but you can't be on them forever, right??

uhh my therapist of 15 months just disappeared on me. while i understand why he did, how can he not even say GOODBYE. he didnt even end it in front of my face. he told my parents he cant see me anymore. he didnt say anything to me. i emailed him. no reply, not a phone call, nothing. he was everything to me. now he's gone. its been a month. so it should hurt less. but i still cry. it hurts so bad. sometimes i cant stand it. it hurts so bad. i looked up to him so much. was he that annoyed of me? now he just gets to forget about me, and WHEW, relief for him? it just hurts so bad and i want to get over this. i really do. but i dont know how. its gona take a long time. it just hurts so bad right now. i didnt relapse today. so it hurts extra today.

I hate JuicyCampus.

I am unhappy with how I look. I am not fat and someone told me last week I was skinny as I walked past them but I want to be skinnier. I am not fat but I want to be super hot and skinny. Is it bad to starve yourself and just drink water and eat minimally and chew gum? Is it bad to want to be thin? I feel like something is wrong with me because boys aren't interested in me. But I'm not horrible looking and I am pretty nice. I am doing well in school and should be happy. I am developing nice friendships. I looked back on my old post that talked about me wanting to commit suicide. I'm glad I didn't. But I still wish I was skinnier.

hen I read this blog, I feel so sad because I know that some of the people who post here must be my friends or at least people I know. I would do anything to help my friends to not feel so depressed, lonely, self-critical, or anxious. Please don't be so quick to think that no one cares about you... people do, and you don't have to be afraid to share what's on your mind.

It scares me how much joy I get from hurting myself. It was never like this before. I've become so sadistic. Last week, I went into a bathroom by myself and slammed my wrist in a door. When it swelled up ten minutes later, I smiled, pulled out my iPod, and walked out of the bathroom singing.

I'm almost nineteen, and I've never gotten drunk, never smoked, never had sex, never been kissed, never even had a boyfriend. I wish my values weren't such a social stigma, but it's like I can't be considered a real person because I'm some sort of idyllic emotionless drone. I promise I have emotions. I can see it every time some guy hobbles by me, trips over me, drunk, in an effort to get to a girl who's easier or prettier, or enjoys drinking or something. I just want to find a guy who doesn't need to be a party girl. Or anyone, for that matter. Just one person who'll go watch a movie with me instead of wandering around alone at some party...

Looking back, I think I knew I was going to relapse once I got here. But I thought it would be stress that drove me to start cutting again, not depression. Why can't I feel as happy as everyone else looks? Why can't I make friends like everyone else? And why, oh why, does the only guy interested in me insist on being my stalker?

I feel I have to drink to meet guys

I'm sick of people complaining about Duke so much. Have you ever thought that maybe if you're not happy here, you won't be happy anywhere else either? Duke is tough and puts a lot of pressure on you, but so does the real world. And I know some people don't like the frat scene or whatever, and neither do I. But I've been able to meet a lot of great, diverse people here that feel the same way I do. It's just about having confidence in yourself and feeling independent. If you have that, you can be happy anywhere. If you are having problems, don't automatically blame your surroundings. Duke is an amazing place and we're lucky to be here. There are so many opportunities on campus and there really are some amazing people. Make the most of it during the 4 shorts years that you're here!

am i as stupid as fuck or is duke really this hard? sometimes I think the former. why the fuck did I pay 50k to fail at life?

I sometimes stumble across pictures of you on my computer, and they still make my heart skip a beat.

I just broke up with the man that would have loved me and made me the happiest woman in the world... i feel like the most horrible person... no one deserves this

when i hang out with you more, i get the impression that i'm really getting to know you better, and that we're not just superficial friends. i know it's platonic but i'm hurt every time i feel like you begin to ignore me for someone else. am i just too attached? .... but i don't like you though - i think i once did - but now i don't.. i hope. i just can't like you. it would never work.

"I dont want to become that girl for you. I dont want to change myself for you and I dont want you to expect that from me. 1.I'm not getting drunk with you. 2.I'm not having sex with you. 3.I'm not going to be the first one to call. 4.I'm not going to be jealous while you flirt with other girls at the parties. How dare you ask me to do that? What makes you think you have the right to even ask? I want to give in and wear make up and do my hair for you... I want to wear tight jeans... dance and get drunk... pretend like I need you around me to get by...act like I'm not that smart... LET YOU TEACH ME WHAT I CAN TEACH BETTER! But who would I be then?? That's not the woman I want to become, that's the woman you and everyone else wants to see. I've worked so hard to not become that and I've promised myself I wont ever do it again – it just keeps getting harder not to because it is so easy to give in to your pressure. You say you don't want nothing serious, the problem is that no one takes me seriously. You act like you care about what I have to say, and I'm supposed to not fall for you?? How does that work? I tell myself not to give in because you only want sex, but then you ask me about my day, you spend unnecessary time with me when you know you're not getting anything. I want you, I want you, I want you. I want this to work and I want you to see that, but the moment it comes out of my mouth you'll be scared and go away. You don't want a relationship, you want uncompromised sex. I know there is so much more to you than that. I know that's not all that you want. I want to be the girl that you can actually talk to, the girl that you trust. You can be weak around me; I won't judge. You can let me know your frustrations; we're not that different after all. We can sleep in the same bed without you having to prove your masculinity. We can dance bachata all day. You can stop pretending like you're perfect. I know I did the day I met you… its funny because I'm not even trying to impress you, I want to so badly but I can't let myself do that. I need to stop trying so hard. All I wish is for you to see me for who I am and stop being scared. Or maybe you're just that superficial and not worth my time…

I hope that the administration reads this blog!!!! We always hear about how the administration wants to have more student opinions about issues, how their freshman experience was, and what can be done to make a student's four years better. Well, all you have to do is read this blog to see how students are coping with the challenges of this institution. This blog should provide the leaders of the university with the information needed to improve Duke. After reading the blog, then you need to ask yourself: Why are so many people on this campus hurting and dying inside? Why aren't these same students getting the help they need? Why is receiving help on this campus given such a negative stigma? The evidence is here President Brodhead...take some responsibility and make the changes!!! All of the surveys that you administer will NEVER look as honest as these anonymous posts. HELP OUR STUDENTS!!!

I hate reading juicycampus and hearing the complaints on how there are 'no hot girls' at duke. Honestly guys? Look at yourselves, for heaven's sake. I honestly think the girls at Duke are gorgeous. Sure, we may not compare to Vanderbilt or USC girls--but who has time to spend 2 hrs prepping up for class every day? Duke girls don't have time for that--we're too busy. But honestly boys, Duke Girls are hotter than the comparable schools--Berkeley, Johns Hopkins, Cornell, Penn, Brown, etc. If you don't believe me, go there.

I barely have a 3.0 GPA. Everyone thinks it's much higher because I'm in the library all the time--even on the weekends. It hurts when people are surprised when I tell them my GPA. They say 'Really? But you study so much' and i don't know how to respond to that.

why is it so hard for you to make it clear whether or not you actually want to be here with me ever? the way you act indicates no, but it also indicates yes. after all, you don't *have* to spend time with me. that dichotomy makes me wonder if you're just using me. and then we joke about how you are, and i assure you that you are not. maybe next time, i should just say, 'are you?' because right now, after all of this, i think i'm only here for lack of anything better. it's up to you to change that, now, before someone else comes along.

I'm an African American freshman girl. I guess I should be excited about rush season- the whole process seems like a lot of fun. However, I hear things about some of the sororities....and then I really just don't want to rush at all. I mean, why waste my time if I'm going to be judged on the amount of money I have or how I look? Although I want to participate, its just discouraging, especially when the campus and Greek life is so segregated. With 6 days left, I still don't know what to do....

Reading this I agree and disagree with a lot of the comments. I have days on both ends of the spectrum. Days where I am really down and depressed, sometimes several in a row and I consider going to CAPS, or I vent to friends. However, I also have the days where I feel lonely and lost and like I have no one to turn to. Then I have days where things are really great and I look around and say, 'Wow. I am at Duke. What a great place.' I'm a sophomore and I know both sides, so all I can say to others who feel bad or who say they hate Duke. Take a look around, remember why you are here and don't give up hope because a good day is on its way. Right now I'm in a sort of bad phase, but I know that in time I won't feel this way anymore. Utilize the breaks coming up, talk to people, enjoy the little things, and take time for things you love - no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.

I've never been in love, never been in a relationship. I feel like it's my turn, especially since more and more people around me seem to have found someone, even a friend of mine who couldn't commit herself to anyone. It is too much to ask: 'When is it my turn?' Of course, it would help if boys weren't selfish and lead you on and talk a bunch of bullshit. I have a great life, I really shouldn't complain, but sometimes you get lonely and want just a little bit more.

Being abroad has made me realize all the pressure that being at Duke has put on me. I absolutely love Duke and all my friends there but I can definitely relate to most of the posts on this blog. Last semester alone I witnessed friends' suicide attempts, starved myself, and dealt with a constant feeling of worthlessness. This semester is literally the FIRST time that I've been eating normally and have actually come to see myself in a positive light and I can't help but think its because I've been away from all the shit on campus. I miss Duke but I am afraid of what will happen to me when I go back."

It's been five years since I separated from my first love, and I still think about him every day. We haven't talked for four years. I've been in a serious relationship for three years now and I really do love the guy I'm with, but somehow, my heart still breaks for the past. The worst part is that I know my first love still thinks about me too...I just don't know how he feels. We have plenty of mutual friends, and we see each other's messages all the time on Facebook, but I've never sent him a friend request because I'm afraid of what he might say. I won't add the person I love the most in this world because I love him so much it hurts--how warped is that? I wish I could just tell him how much I miss him. If only things had been different...:/

it kills me that I can't have you. I feel like I'm destined to fall for people that I just can't have, it happens consistently. And the worst part is that you and your girlfriend are so cute, and everyone agrees. So I just have to sit back and watch you two be happy and adorable together, because there's nothing I can do.

No matter how much I tell myself that I'm beautiful and smart and strong, it is so incredibly difficult to believe this without someone validating it, and as horrible as it sounds, i really wish it was a guy. I feel like I will never have a boyfriend because I am an assertive female, bigger than the average size 4 and I don't compromise my values. I feel like because I'm not a skinny, little girl who is willing to do whatever it takes to hook up with a guy I am completely looked over. I just want to find someone who loves my loud, assertive, opinionated, craziness, but I'm worried that will never happen, especially here. And that scares me. Even though I have great friends, there is still a hole. I'm just tired of being alone...

Why did I tell you that I wasn't looking for a relationship? We clearly want the same things so why am I afraid to talk to you? I've been giving mixed signals for this entire week and it doesn't make sense. While I was walking to the East bus stop, I saw you there and then changed direction and walked to Aycock instead of talking to you. What is that? I hope that by the time that I gather up the courage to spend more time with you, you'll still be there.

Yesterday on the bus I heard this girl say 'that's so gay' and it made my heart sink but then she caught herself and said 'or mean. I don't know why I say that. I don't mean that's so homosexual'. It made my day.

i hate myself. i have such self-confidence issues.i dont know what to do anymore.

I am fighting a losing battle with my self-esteem, body image, and eating disorder. I want so much to not struggle this much with myself. I am too happy in life to have such horrible feelings. I was recently at a semi-formal, surrounded by some of the most amazing people I know and whom I love. I was so happy. Then I became self-conscious. I couldn't help thinking that I must look so ugly and fat. I just wanted to feel beautiful, even for one night.

I am so depressed here. I hate Duke. I don't know why I came here. And the worst part is I was doubting it at first and considering going to my state school but I was proud and wanted to be special so now I am here depressed and I want to die. My roommate is selfish and can't see beyond her own perfect little life. I have an eating disorder problem that I developed after coming here where I eat a lot because it's the only thing that makes me happy and then starve myself to not gain weight. I am so sad and depressed I would commit suicide except I know I can't because my family loves me too much and it would be to mean to them. And then upperclassmen will ask me 'how my freshman year is going' and I have to lie and smile and say that it is great or else they will think I am a loser. But really I am a loser and I hate it here. It's too cold. All I want to do is die. I miss my family and my parents and my siblings and all my friends. I used to be such a great person in my hometown and I came here and I have no real friends here because I don't want to join a sorority. They say human beings need 8 meaningful touches a day. What a fucking joke. I haven't gotten 8 the entire time I've been here at Duke. I would cry but I can never find a place to be alone. I feel like God has left me. I just want to be skinny so that when I go home for Thanksgiving break I will look good and can be happy with my friends and family and not embarrassed or ashamed at how I look. I am going to starve myself for the next 4 days to lose weight again. I am so depressed. I want my Mom.

You ignoring me is the cruelest thing. You pretend like I don't exist. If I lied on the ground, you'd step right on me, pretending I'm not that. How can you degrade someone like that? At least fucking acknowledge me. Stop pretending you didn't see me. We're not in high school anymore; stop making this fucking awkward.

Nobody has ever made out with me sober.

I hate how everyone here is worried about superficial things. Frat dates, GPAs, gaining 5 pounds over the year. Come on! when you complain about little things like that, it makes me realize how 'perfect' your life is that you have nothing else to complain about. Get a grip.

i dont even know where to begin. how could you do this to me? you know how much i like you and you still did it when it meant nothing to you whatsoever. it meant something to me but i can't tell you. i can't tell you how much you've hurt me because every time i see you, i act happy and bubbly and normal. i act like what you did was nothing, when really it was everything. i can't tell you how much i wish you'd change your mind about me. seeing you with another girl crushes me. what does she have that i don't have? i try so hard to be who i think you want me to be. you've been such a complete and total asshole to me but i can't seem to let go. i feel better about myself than ever; i feel like i could have almost any guy i want -- but all i want is you.

I have serious self-esteem issues. And I can't really get a grip on it.

sometimes i get so tired of duke and duke people i just wish i could disappear in a white space for just 10 minutes. i feel so suffocated by my entire environment. i don't know if i can even study abroad because i might not be able to afford it. i feel like i need to get out of here.

I call myself pre-med, but each day I keep seeing myself doing something else with my life. My grades are horrible, I can't focus any more, and I'm starting to wonder if being a doctor is really something I'm able to do. The problem with wanting to change my ideal career track is that my friends and those around me know me as a pre-med, but I can't bring myself to tell them that I'm having doubts, or that I'm thinking of quitting. Maybe it's a pride issue, maybe it's fear for loss of respect, maybe it's the fact that I'm struggling in my classes and am probably the perfect example of a failure of a pre-med who had high goals and is unable to reach them. Somehow though, looking over what I want to do in my life, all I know is that when I look back, sixty years from now, I never want to have any regrets over choices that I made. And sadly, whether I choose to attempt continuing pre-med or decide to selfishly pursue my other interests, either way I know I will not feel fully satisfied with what I do.

I have an eating disorder. But unlike most others who fit under that umbrella at this school, I overeat. I eat when I'm stressed, lonely, sad, in celebration of the end of midterms, when i'm bored, between my classes. And most of the time, it is food that is unhealthy. I know I have a problem, but I can't make myself stop eating.

No matter how hard I try, the boy I love is lost to me. There is no worse feeling than losing your best friend and the person you love all in one. He does not respond to any of my emails, which makes me feel insignificant that he does not even care anymore. I feel so alone without him. I've tried to move on, but I fear I will never get over it or find someone that compares to him. Whoever said 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all' lied

I wish not everyone assumes that I am a rich girl who thinks she's all that. I wish the professors honestly knew how much some people have to sacrifice to attend Duke and I wish the professors could be more approachable and focused more on actually teaching than on their damn research. My dad recently lost his job and now is 5000 miles away from my family to work for some company. He makes 1/2 the salary. My family is split up because of me--because my dad has to continue making money so I can afford to attend Duke. Every day I feel this burden on my family. And so I do nothing but stay in the library, hoping to find happiness in my schoolwork. But it's sometimes so hard here at Duke and it's so disappointing when you score below average on something you studied so hard for and when your parents fucking split up to give you the opportunity to attend a school like this. I wish the professors would stop assuming that we are rich kids with the world at our fingertips. Yes, some of us are; some of us aren't. Just because I wear a north face and uggs doesn't mean i don't have financial problems. I hate being treated rudely by the workers in subway because they assume i'm a spoiled white girl. I hate the jokes professors make about our families being rich. Because not all of us have money. We may act like it; but not all of us do.

I HATE HOMOPHOBIA!!! Why should I have to deal with it?!

I absolutely love my roommates. They are one of the reasons I'm so happy at Duke :)

This week I convinced two of my best friends not to commit suicide. But even though I won the battle, they're still losing the war. I am terrified that the time will come that my words will not help them anymore.

All I want is to stop everything and breathe. Just breathe. But life isn't really giving me any breaks. This semester has been so hard and my friends don't know the half of it. I'm so afraid that in the end I won't be strong enough.

I wish being curvy didn't seem like such a death sentence on this campus.

I'm so sick of the superficiality of it all. If it comes to a point that your friends judge you, you know something's wrong. Duke is great, but the people.. ugh. I can't wait to graduate.

I'm sorry that I'm rude and ignore you whenever I see you. Looking at my shoes, the sky, or the passing crowd is much easier. And I worry that I've made you uncomfortable, anyway.

Having seen all the terrible relationships my friends have gone through and my own personal relationships, I've realized I just want a boy who cares for me. He doesn't have to be handsome or wealthy or incredibly intelligent or popular. I just want him to care for me. Is that too much to ask for? I've realized the guys who do have it all are generally assholes.

I have 1100 facebook friends, yet I feel so alone. This place is so superficial.

I wish somebody would throw a surprise party for me. Nobody even remembers my birthday. I just want to know that someone cares enough to make me feel special.

I wish you weren't so indifferent towards me.

I want to stop running into you randomly. I always feel awkward and foolish. At the same time, I don't want to stop running into you randomly. I'd be painfully aware of you anyway.

The more I think about it, the happier I should be; I finally came out to more than welcoming friends, my grades have gotten better tremendously,I'm finally getting used to my sport,and for the first time, I have an awesome, beautiful girlfriend that I can't wait to develop a relationship with. You were always my homeslice; we are neighbors, and we got super tight....even blowing over 30bucks on food while we watched a movie I slept through mostly. We got really close, and then we hooked up. I told myself I probably shouldn't because I knew I liked you from the start, but I figured it wouldn't affect me. Now, although we are still friends, there is a distance between us that I can't describe....and its hurting me more than I could imagine. Even though you like her, and I have a girlfriend, I just needed to tell you that I love you. I have since the day that I met you. You are funny, beautiful, stylish, and when you smile, my heart beats out of my chest. I know the chances of you even exploring the prospect of a relationship with me is slim to none- I just know that I would have been better to you than those other 2 girls could be. Now we still live across the hall from each other,but sometimes I wonder what could have been.....

The profound ignorance and intolerance from some of Fundamentalist Christians at this school disgusts me. Please do not condemn me to hell just because I refer to God by a different name than you do...

i want to warn every girl about you. stay away. stay away. stay away. don't ever let him take advantage of you. he might be cute and charming and say things he doesn't mean. there are so many other good guys out there; don't give him a chance.

Every single day I feel guilty for wasting my parents' money. I don't get financial aid but I am hardly wealthy - my mom just told me our family lost two years of college tuition because of the stock market and the economy. Every day when I'm in class all I think about is how badly I want to transfer and get a better education somewhere else. But I'm a sophomore and I can't turn back now and waste all that money. I'll just have to stick it out for two more years.

People here think way too highly of themselves. Like somehow they are entitled to good grades and rewards because they go to Duke. Before I came here I thought college would be full of motivated, bright students, but now I've come to realize this campus is full of egotistical, unintelligent individuals who just happened to be good at standardized testing at the age of sixteen. I want to transfer so badly, but I'm a sophomore and I don't want to waste my parent's money.

I'm not a white, upper class female, and I have an eating disorder. And I do believe it is a real mental disorder and is not something an individual 'chooses' out of vanity. It has affected me in so many negative ways this semester - my grades and my health are slipping and I avoid social situations. But I do not sympathize with the rich blond sorority girls who may have the same disorder.

"i do like you. i do reciprocate your feelings for me. please stop doubting and hesitating...i am waiting for you to come forward...

I am an individual on campus in the process of recovering from Anorexia. This process has taught me many things, and has made me acutely aware that, as amazing a place as Duke is, there are certain realities at Duke. The culture of effortless perfection is real, subtle, and insipid. It is in the library, where people find hidden places to study and pull all-nighters. It is in the daily conversations, those that seem so scripted, which we have with each other. It is in the gym, where scores of people are feverishly working out from the time it opens to the time it closes. It is in the Great Hall, where salads seem to be the most pervasive food choice. It affects boys; it affects girls. I deeply acknowledge that it still affects me, yet I challenge all of you to read this blog, to recognize that you are not alone, to challenge the idea that we must be perfect to be excellent, to do something to change it. For as we have all recently been shown, change IS possible. This is one change we can believe in.

I am 19 and I've never been kissed. I wish I did not care. But I do. I'm embarrassed. I don't tell anyone but my closest friends because I'm afraid people will judge me. Will I ever find anyone? What if I find someone and am disappointed, because I've built it all up so much?"

I love the fall--sweater weather, the beautiful trees and the leaves, and all the holidays quickly approaching. It all makes me smile.

Law school applications are stressing me out hardcore. I am so unqualified.

I've never been kissed. And while I would like to be in a relationship, I hate that my friends are always trying to set me up with their guy friends. They think they know who is 'my type' so it's okay. But they have no clue about what I like in a boy.

I am tired of the superficiality of 'let's do lunch sometime!' I want to be your friend. Not do a stupid motherfucking lunch.

I don't have any friends. Not just at Duke. I literally have zero friends. The only time I left my house this summer was to go to work.

I should hate you. Sometimes I think I do. You shouldn't ever cross my mind. But you do. You broke up with me and said it had nothing to do with her. Now you're dating her. You are a liar who broke my heart, and you know it. You don't even acknowledge me when I see you. Don't you atleast have the heart to apologize? How could I fall in love with such a jerk? Why does it still bother me, more than 6 months later? I wish you would read this and know it was me and apologize. I hate that this site seems to be a venting-spot for people who have come out of relationships and are hurt, but I'm just another one of them, and it feels so much better to get it out.

The voters in California have spoken. Gay people need to get over it and move on.' Every time I hear someone say something like this about the passage of Prop 8, I feel more and more like a second-class citizen. What is so wrong with giving gay people the same rights as everyone else? Hearing people use the word gay as a derogatory term and calling others fags really hurts, even though I tell people it doesn't bother me.

I met the first boy that I ever loved in my entire life here at Duke. We had been dating for just over a year when he broke up with me. He said he didn't see us being together in the future and was simply not in love with me anymore. We are friends, or trying to be, but everyday I see him, at a distant even, a horrible suffocating emotion rises up within my throat and twists my heart. There is a impenetrable barrier in between us now, separating me forever from his warm embrace and never ever again letting me clasp my arms around him. I spend every minute of every passing day trying to occupy my time with something, anything so that I'm not alone and start to cry. I feel like crying at every moment of the day. My limbs are wracked with pain. He was my best friend here at Duke and now I feel so empty inside. Every part of me is dead or on autopilot. I feel like no one cares about what I'm experiencing right now. I feel so alone in the world. I just want someone to love me. Please. Please. Make it stop hurting so much.

My boyfriend is depressed. I want to see him rise out of it. I have a world of patience and love for him. But it is sometimes draining for me to put in so much effort while he remains stagnant. I just don't know how to help him. I also hate to let depression be an excuse for how he treats me sometimes. I want the old him back... :(

im a regular asian guy, an international student, not good looking, not cool. i cant help thinking that whenever i simply make eye contact with most asian girls here they look at me like im dirt beneath their feet and that i dont have a chance in hell. fact is im not plotting anything except really just trying to be civil. i really feel some asian girls here are bending over backwards trying to get hit on by white dudes, while glaring at the plain asian kids like they're all closet perverts. its really quite insulting. i dont really care who has sex with whom, but let's just give everyone some basic respect and goodwill. the hottest chicks are the ones who smile.

I've reached the point where I don't even enjoy food anymore. Sometimes I can blame it on the food here, but I think it's really something greater and uncontrollable inside me at work, and that scares me.

My first year at Duke, I felt so depressed and alone that I started drinking and doing drugs by myself on a daily basis. I did well in my classes and smiled at everyone so they would never suspect I had a problem. One day I overdosed and nearly died. I had to leave Duke for a semester and go to treatment. However, now that I am back and well my life is better than I ever could have imagined!

My first love just started seeing someone else and it's tearing me apart inside.

It took me almost 3 years to recognize and admit to myself that my last boyfriend was abusive. Not physically, because I would've stopped that. He abused me emotionally, putting me down constantly, driving away my friends, threatening some of them, and making me feel like it was all my fault. And even though it's years later I haven't dated anyone since. My friends don't know why, and I pretend it's because I'm about to graduate, or there's no one here I like. But the truth is, he made me so scared. I don't know if I can ever trust anyone again

Last year I used to read this site and get so annoyed with people who said 'there are no good guys on this campus' because I had one. I was in love with a boy who respected and cared for me. This site convinced me that he was the only one of his kind at Duke, so I stayed with him longer than I should have. I was terrified when we broke up that I would never find someone who truly cared about me again. I settled for random sex for a while and have never felt worse about myself. I decided I had to put an end to it, even if it did make me 'miserably single.' I knew I had too much respect for myself to let boys take advantage of me anymore. No later than two weeks after I made that decision, I met a guy at a party and he respected my decision not to have sex. Two months later we are still together and he treats me better than any man in my life ever has. I'm in love again. With a guy. At Duke. Women, the reason you can't find anything but a hookup is because you let guys treat you that way. If you demand respect, guys (maybe not ALL guys) will give it to you. I'm sad it took me so long to realize that not all men are pigs and quite a few of them were raised properly. So girls, take a chance. Challenge a guy to get to know you before you sleep with him, or kiss him, or spend the night at his place. Those that don't stick around weren't deserving of your time anyway. Those that do are worth picking through the assholes for. If it wasn't clear, we met within the Greek/section party/hook up scene. So now matter where you are on campus, who you're friends with, or what you do on the weekend IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND A DECENT MAN ON DUKE'S CAMPUS. You just have to respect yourself first.

I just graduated from Duke last year and just stumbled upon this community. To all of those who lament the hook up culture: it is possible to find real relationships, real love, and real happiness at Duke without using hooking up as a handshake. It is harder: you must seek out people you have things in common with, and you must do so while sober most of the time. Take your life into your own hands and seize your happiness! Don't let the hook up culture define YOUR life if you yearn for something more.

i don't know why i am so attracted to you but after every time i run into you, i get so happy i can't stop smiling for at least 3 hrs and my friends keep asking me, 'so, why the big smile on ur face? weren't u stressed about ur orgo midterm just a few minutes ago?' and i keep smiling, because today, i got to see you. your eyes are so comforting. my knees sink to the floor when i look into them.

I really wish. you would take me out on a date. you have a car. you have enough money to buy seven jeans. so why is it so hard for you to spend f-ing 10 dollars to take me out to some restaurant?

is it narcissitic that I think i honestly am beautiful? that if i could get any plastic surgery ever, i wouldn't? and does it make me insecure that every time he ignores me or brushes me off i look in the mirror and think, is it because my nose is too big? or boobs are too small? and then i don't think i'm beautiful anymore. it's terrible how i base how beautiful i think i am off of how he responds to me.

you never asked me how i was doing, how was my day, how my exams were. i tried so hard to be interested in what you had to say but it hurt me so much that you didn't give a fuck about what what i was doing... i kept making excuses for you and never realized what an asshole you were until we broke up. i'm finally liberated.

I am worried that I came to Duke an individual but will leave it as just another clone in designer sunglasses and leggings.

I'm still in love with my best friend and everyone seems to know it except him.

Sometimes I get embarrassed that no one seems to know the girl I'm living with this year. It shouldn't matter but it makes me feel less important by association.

I always get upset when I read articles about how fraternities on campus are not gay-friendly. I mean, I think about my brothers, and how diverse they are, and how we all accept each other regardless of opinions, extracurriculars, etc. Why is it, then, that I can't get myself to come out to them?

I am scared to death of graduation. I love Duke and can't imagine myself anywhere else...

I wish I had a best friend here.

why is it so hard to find a decent guy on campus? why cant they just be faithful? its so frustrating and sad.

Why does Duke have to have a hook up culture. why dont we make the time to be more decent individuals and give the necessary time to have real relationships. its not hard to be faithful. its not hard to make something work. if you like a person, why just fuck and move on? its animalistic. we are better than that. we have to be better than this.

I'm in a large lecture premed science class. I told some of my friends that I find the material covered in the class to be really interesting, and they laughed at me for being such a nerd. That kind of bothers me.

I hate my major, but I chose it to please my parents. Now I'm a senior, wishing that I had just listened to my heart so that I would actually enjoy what I am learning.

Duke is my own personal life-sucking vortex.

I don't have faith in people.

I am a lesbian and wish that that was okay.

My boyfriend isn't particularly smart or driven, and on the surface he's just another frat boy, but he is the most moral, caring, devoted, honest person that I have ever met. Sometimes I worry I am settling for him because he'll never be a doctor or lawyer or anything particularly brilliant, but most of the time I am certain that it is he who is settling for me. To be honest, I'd gladly trade away half my talents to be half as good a person as he is.

sincerely believe that the person I'm currently dating is the one I'm going to marry. I'm only a sophomore!

"I would be humiliated if people here knew how many issues I have and how much mental help I have been getting for them. So I let them continue to think I have a drug problem. It's less shameful to self-medicate here than it is to get psychiatric help.

I was excited to be in a place so full of intelligent, fulfilled, capable, creative, balanced, kind people -- students who seemed really happy about who they were. As for me, I'm usually fine with being single, with how I look, with who my friends are. Sometimes I'm down, but I stick it out. I really do believe that I'm okay. Having read some of these entries, I'm now deeply suspicious of whether I fit in here at all.

Your imperfections are what make you beautiful.

Part of me wants to slap every malnourished girl I see walking across campus. Yeah, yeah, the media, society, whatever, all put pressure on us to look a certain way. Whatever. Grow up and stop letting your problems be blamed on anyone but yourself. That said, I wish I had the self-control to starve myself. I don't. I've tried.

every day i have to wake up to a world without her in it.

I can't believe how lost I am here. In high school we all knew what we wanted and then with each year of college our direction seems to slip away more. Now I'm a senior and I have absolutely no idea what next year will bring. I waste so much time. I've lost all of my responsibilities. I don't know what I'm doing half the time and I feel so guilty to be wasting this opportunity.

I'm a freshman, I'm black, and I'm a lesbian. Although I have made more friends than I could have ever asked for- and believe me when I say that- I just feel lonely. When I came to college I finally learned to love myself and accept my sexuality- but now, I don't understand the point. I love my friends- but I just want someone to hold, to cuddle with, and to care for. Dating (or even finding) other women in this part of the world is rare- so I feel like there is a little chunk of my college experience that I am missing out on. I just want a girlfriend, is that too much to ask for?

This is absurd, insane, and beautiful. I never expected it. And I never expected that, as beautiful as you are, I could fall for nothing more than a pair of beautiful eyes and the sound of someone's laughter. I am always missing that bus. I am always wishing I had that three minutes with you. I don't know how it'll turn out, but I have hope. Best of all, because it's you, because there's that something special about you, the hope I have is for everyone, not just my own selfish life.

i don't know whether i should break up with him.

I wish I could get you off my mind. I wish I could feel what I felt for you for another person. All of the people I have met, you were the only one that really knew me. A friend keeps telling me I am special, but I don't feel special at all. I used to feel special when I was with you. It is hard to accept that now I know you weren't worth it, but I wish my heart knew that too.

I am so self-conscious. I'm a sophomore now, but the whole deal with 'effortless perfection' still kills me inside. Why do all the girls have to wear cute little dresses, have shiny blond hair in a French twist and flawless complexions, and prance around campus making awesome grades and getting all the guys? I've never thought I was ugly, but I feel inadequate here. I've never had a boyfriend or even a guy show interest in me, maybe because I'm a very moralistic person and I'm looking for a real relationship instead of a hookup. It's just so frustrating. Is there anyone out there who will truly love and appreciate me for who I am?

I am an African-American Duke senior. I am so proud of the places that I have gone, the legacy I am leaving, the friendships that I have. But I struggle with the believing that I will one day have a relationship. I love myself, I love who I am and my relationship with God. But it seems that because I value these things I am not worthy of having a relationship with a quality man. I have struggled with the fact that I choose not to have sex, because I don't want that to define the relationship I am in. But in what I see and what I hear all around me, that is such an anomaly to Duke and people in general that it makes me believe that I have no hope for a quality relationship. I choose not to have sex because it is a big experience a big deal, something that I know will effect me forever. And I want to give that to a person who loves me for who I am and supports me in what I want to become. I feel like I am quality, but I am not what men want because I choose not to have sex. I just don't understand and its really getting hard for me to believe that someone out there exists who will appreciate me for me and not for what they can get from me.

I know I will never look at you the same way because of what you did to me. You don't even acknowledge it. You don't even apologize. You've made it clear to me how horrible of a person you are. So few people really realize it, and that's such a shame. Half the time I want to blame myself for what happened, but your smug and conceited attitude makes me blame you and hate you even more.

I lost my virginity to a guy I met for the first time. I am struggling what to do next. I don't want to look too clingy, but I genuinely do want to spend more time with him and get to know him beyond a single hookup.

I had forgotten about this site until we got back to campus. I remember how many times I came here to vent and to read and sympathize what others were going through. I appreciate this site and I think it is so great it was started up last semester. I hope it picks back up again. Even something so simple as this blog really helped me through hard times.

i was in a car driving to dinner. one of the freshman in the backseat worries that in the hookup culture at duke he won't be able to find a girl... and i reassured him that she was definitely out there but deep inside just knew he was going to have some really hard times at duke...

This is bad. I have a big exam soon and I am reading an article at the moment, I just read. But the point is the words are just words. Nothing is getting into my head.

I'm upset that I'm not over you - and that I find myself unconsciously scanning the crowds for a glimpse of you. But I will move on from this, because it just isn't healthy.

I wish this site would start posting again.

I feel trapped in my social circle. I feel like I never meet people outside of my group or the clubs I'm in. I want to diversify my friendships & network but it's so hard at Duke. Groups seem to be cemented in after orientation.

I cringe every time I hear someone say 'We can figure it out, we're smart-- we got into Duke, didn't we?' Getting into Duke means nothing at all. I filled out the application for this school in a few minutes on a whim and never before have I met so many people who are in school to get grades rather than knowledge and a diploma rather than an education. Pre-law and pre-meds freak me out. How can you, at the age of 18, decide that you will never have anything new or original to offer the world and so have to march down the same beaten path as everyone else? I wish students here would stop believing they have to fly to Africa to change the world and would start by becoming real people themselves.

When I had a crush on a girl after several years at an all-girls school, I thought it was just a fluke. Now, looking around, I'm attracted to only a few guys but mostly appreciate beauty in the girls. Is it because they try harder to look good, whereas the guys don't seem to care? Or is it me?

i feel like i don't truly fit in with anyone at duke. i used to think it was duke's fault. but sometimes i wonder if it's just me. if i had gone to a different school would i have fit in better?

You have to continue this campaign! Its so good and I'm scared because it seems like you are slowly phasing it out. Like you will be uploading less frequently. I think that it should be more frequent not less this will be better for everyone. I like the me too campaign a lot, I feel a lot better than I was if it weren't there. I feel more inspired. And if it wasn't for me too I think I would be a lot worse position today. Please continue the campaign.

I used to be so jealous of all the happy faces on this campus. I feel better knowing that I'm not the only one secretly miserable inside.

"All throughout high school, I couldn't wait to get to college. Now that I'm here, I can't wait to graduate. What's wrong with me? Am I ever satisfied with what I have in the present?

I don't even know your name. But every time I see you on campus, our eyes meet. I feel like we have a connection. I wish you would just come up to me and ask me out.

Is it sick for me to actually feel 'glad' that there are people like me on this campus, suffering with me? I'm just so damn relieved that I'm not alone, feeling so inadequate all the time.

I'm too proud to show how much I'm interested in you. Then how will you ever know how I feel? Will it even make a difference to you?

"I feel like I'm so behind. I see all these people at Duke, so driven with their specific career plans; getting prestigious internships; 'networking' with professors.. Will I ever catch up? I hate myself for always comparing myself to other people. I just want to quit college; quit this whole rat race thing. I just want to move to a small island and open up a bakery.

I feel so unloved when I see all the happy couples on campus. I'm tired of waiting for my prince charming.

I'm so scared of people judging me that I avoid them altogether.

I hate how I care so much about how others think about me. It's my life, damn it!

I don't think anyone here really cares about me. I miss my family. I want to go home. I wish I went to a school where I could commute from home, or at least go home every weekend.

I really thought college was going to be the best time of my life...

I feel that I am one of the most unhappy people in the world. No one would truly care if I disappeared from the world. I am trying to get over these illogical feelings BUT so many things seem to confirm this world-view of mine.

whenever some guy blows me off, friends say to me, 'don't worry about it...you're pretty...' or something to that effect. well, what if i wasn't?... what then? i dont even know if i believe them. guys stay interested in me long enough to hook up a few times - just long enough to make sure i start to like them - and then decide that i'm not worth it. and then i feel pathetic for not being able to forget about them as easily as they forgot about me. WTF. i have so much going for me. but BOYS ARE DRIVING ME INSANE.

I want to meet someone so badly and not be alone. The more I watch all my friends experience their 1st, 2nd, sometimes 6th relationship, the more I realize that there is a distance between me an my friends that grows wider with each relationship they have and that I don't have. The scariest part of all is that, despite how much I want to love and be loved, I fear that I have grown so comfortable and reliant on being unhappy and single, that I don't know if I will let myself be in a relationship. After having too many negative sexual experiences with men, I feel so threatened that I only let myself get close to guys who are either dating my friends or who are homosexual. I wish I didn't have to be separated by this. I wish I could let myself get close to someone sexually and emotionally, and I wish that not having this experience didn't make me feel as lonely and different as it makes me feel.

I was raped last summer.

I live at the YMCA. this sucks.

"how can hoping for something be so comforting yet cause so much distress at the same time? this little voice in the back of my mind hopes that you'll change your mind. i wish i could forget you and move on but this thing hope keeps getting in the way."

"Is it weird that I can't remember the last time I was happy? Like actually and really happy. I smile and laugh at times, and other times I drink to blow off steam, but I don't think I've been consistently happy for a long time, if ever. It's not like my life is bad. Most people would be quite satisfied with it. I go to a good school, I have a supportive family, I live a comfortable lifestyle, and I have some friends to talk to and hang out with once in a while. My future looks pretty bright, I can choose to do pretty much whatever I want. But I'm not happy. I'm not carefree, I'm insecure, and I feel like I can't articulate myself to others. And I don't know what to do to make it better. I keep hoping for a boy to come and sweep me off my feet. Someone to live for, to want to be with every second of every day. I'm not sure if that will ever happen. So I'm scared. I'm scared that I will never find love. that I will never find happiness. That I will never find my calling. I'm scared of being stuck in this shell of a person that I am and living out the rest of my life in loneliness and unhappiness. I'm scared that I will push everyone away. I'm scared that people will become annoyed with me and run away. I'm scared of being left alone. Because although I have survived my entire life alone, I don't know how I can continue doing it, to see other people being happy and fearless and to wish that I was them. I used to pride myself on being the fearless one. Nothing fazed me and noone scared me. I was who I was, take it or leave it. Now I am so afraid of doing or saying something wrong that i just don't. How can I change my life for the better? How can I make someone fall in love with me or want to be with me? Just to hold me and love me and never let go. And what if I run away as soon as that person comes calling?"

"I first noticed you noticing me the end of freshman year. And even though I saw you all the time and would even go out of my way so that I could see you I still could not get the nerve to say hello. Then sophomore year came. I thought I or you would definitely have the courage to say something...but neither of us did. We would see each other and pretend that neither one of us was there. And now that our junior year is approaching...I hope I have the courage to finally say a simple hello."

"i have finally found someone who makes my world stand still."

"i cried over you. twice. you dont even know. youre so oblivious to how much i like you...you dont even know you were being an asshole. i need to get over it....but i cant seem to let it go."

"I sometimes hate my freckles."

"When I feel depressed or hopeless, I go on this site and it makes me feel better. Thank you, everyone, for sharing along with me."

"I am wasting my parents' money here. I should've gone to state school where they would've paid ME to go and I couldn't have even tried to screw up this bad. I can't even think of a reason to finish up here. I need out."

"I want to tell you that you do mean more to me than I let on. I just hope you feel the same about me, and that something could become of it, that is, if I'm right in getting my hopes up. But I won't see you until fall; I just worry that the summer in between will distance you from me."

"I wish someone would be in love with me."

"I love my girlfriend so much because of all her talent, intelligence, love, and so much more but I know she doesn't see most of these wonderful qualities in herself. I wish she could she herself the way I see her and not be depressed at times because I don't think I've ever met a more beautiful woman. I am so lucky to have her."

"I try to convince myself that I can do fine socially in college without a relationship. But at times I still feel immature as a rising senior who's never even asked anyone out. Either I have to get used to nobody liking me more than just another friend, or I have to put myself out there and actually try, and neither option really works for me."

"my worst nightmare is to grow up to be like my parents"

"i'm not ugly but i'm jealous of pretty black
girls....girls who look pretty even when they're not trying"

"I am terrified of graduating."

"We're not dating, so why do we act like it? You don't love me that way, so why do you act like it? I can't take how much this breaks my heart, so why do I ignore it and give in?"

"I'm not a student of DUKE university. Nor am I an undergraduate of a 'prestigious' university. And honestly, I really did feel that everyone in the ivies have some sort of special talent
that I don't have. In reality, I feel this way about everyone. I feel inferior to everyone else."

"I wish guys would look at me while I walked down the street and yell sexual, derogatory comments at me. But I'm a guy and im not white, so other guys don't ever notice me here."

"i am sick of the community's expectations for women. doesn't anyone want to be more than a polished Barbie with good grades and a fake smile?"

"Juicy campus makes me sad. It just goes to show how much hate people can spew when they're anonymous and have no accountability over what they say. Really, who can have hope for a world when people are like that."

"you are amazing and one of the nicest guys i have ever known. how could you be so insensitive? if you weren't interested in a relationship why did you lead me on? now i can't even talk to you
because i am too hurt and embarassed. i thought there might be more than just friendship between us but you apparently never felt that way. you tell me that it's because of you not me and that i shouldn't read any more into it than that, but how am i supposed to interpret your actions? i want to talk to you so much, but i can't even look you in the eye anymore. everytime i leave my dorm i hope to see you, but i am afraid that if i do, it's just going to be really awkward."

"Today I felt moody. I don't know why, I woke up and wanted to crawl right back into bed. Usually I start my day with a smile and convince myself that no matter what happens today, I'm going to keep this smile. Today- couldn't do it. I went to breakfast bitter, everyone was against me. I'm a very positive person. Probably one of the most positive people you've ever met. I don't believe in conflict or violence, I am a hippie of sorts. I kept beating myself up over being so moody today, I couldn't stand it! I was unproductive at work, in class I was snappy. I finally got to the last class of my day, a class that has four of my closest friends in it- some of the most
positive people I know. They all talked about having bad days and also being moody! During this two and a half hour class I cheered up quite a bit. I joked with the teacher and my close friends, I forced myself to smile. This was three hours ago and right now I feel as if I'm on top of the world. For no reason! I'm not sure what happened to me for most of the day, perhaps chemicals in my brain took over and forced me to feel moody. Maybe it was last night's pizza- I don't know. Whatever it is, I'm just glad I have the self-control to fix the issues that are an issue for me."

"People give me so much shit for being a virgin
and not giving in to the hook up scene. "

"I hate when people judge me. It's the worst
feeling in the world."

"I'm your standard frat douchebag. I just broke it off with this girl I was with. I didn't handle it very well. I knew how much she liked me, but I'm still in love with someone else. I wish I could tell her the truth."

"Sometimes I feel so depressed I feel like puking.
I don't know what to do with myself or my life."

"Econ 51 made me cry today."

"I'm sad. And I think I might be heartbroken for
the first time in my life."

"you can tell yourself to get over it and move on a million times but then the pain just hits you again and there's nothing you can do about it."

"i wish i could just let go"