Wednesday, April 16, 2008
"The lack of representation for lesbians/bi women on Duke campus is incredibly disappointing. I had figured that coming out in college would be easiest, a smooth transition into a new stage in my life. But as I finally got the courage to start pushing myself towards coming out (and believe me, it took a while!) I found the lack of open lesbian peers on campus discouraging. I mean, it's irrational to think that there really are only a couple lesbians at Duke (the gay men don't seem to have the same trouble) but at the same time, the near absence of visibility is disheartening, and definitely makes me second guess my intentions to come out. And yet, I can't imagine lying for the rest of my years here. It's just not me to pretend to be someone I'm not, and I hate when others do this. But I know I'm a complete hypocrite, because if I was really being true to myself, I would have been out from the start. Is it just another backlash of the 'effortless perfection' issue? Is being gay equitable to being imperfect, to being flawed? Is that why the lesbians/bi women at Duke feel like they can't be open about who they are, and who they want?"
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8 comments:
God. Me, too. I'm appalled at the lack of lesbian / bi representation on campus (and, to be honest, in Durham as a whole, though from the little of Chapel Hill I've seen, it's slightly better there).
This is my first year here. I'm really beginning to despair about ever finding some sort of lesbian / bi community here.
I couldn't agree more. I feel like the conservative social climate at Duke has caused me (and/or allowed me ..?) to largely ignore the questions about my own sexuality that I have had off and on since high school. Until this year, my last year at Duke, for some reason it's really hit me and I can't stop thinking about it. One of the worst things about it is it feels like a really big deal because when I look around, I don't see any out women. Or even anyone who would dare admit that they've so much as questioned their own sexuality.
What kind of representation are you looking for? Are you expecting us to run around the main quad with rainbows? Are you looking for some sort of identifier?
I guess I'm technically part of the problem. I guess I'm out-ish. The friends that matter (a hand full) know, but I stay far away from the LGBT center. If a random person came up and asked me about my sexuality, I'd be truthful about it. I know a fair amount of lesbian/bi women on campus. Some are super closeted and I've known them for years and others are out and I just met them. Some people just don't want to be out period. It's all just a matter of meeting the right people, I guess.
Honestly though, most of the women I've met on campus has been by sheer luck or through friends (which is usually the case). I swear we are out there though. Is it an 'effortless perfection' issue? Hm, could be. I'm just a private person. I think a big issue is that this campus is pretty conservative. Coming out also isn't the most trivial thing in the world.
We need more out women on campus. As more take that step, more will feel comfortable on campus. This is how we change the climate on campus. Get people to realize that the LGBT community is no different then everyone else. We are your friends, roommates, and classmates. There is not room for discrimination here.
I'm graduating too and I feel the exact same way.
Hmm. I feel like I am visibly out on campus (though I don't frequent the LGBT center). I certainly hope that people read me correctly as a lesbian.
Maybe I should take to sitting in the center of campus and strumming "Closer to Fine" tunefully on my guitar.
That said, I do have a hard time picking out other queer women here.
In response to anonymous #3 on this page (I left the second comment) - no, I wouldn't expect anyone to run around the quad with rainbows! And I do understand that coming out is no small feat. I just wish that I had happened to run into a peer or two here who are experiencing similar issues & questions, which as you mention, probably has more to do with luck than anything else. It's just difficult to feel alone in this questioning, although the number of posts on this blog regarding sexuality issues goes to show that we are anything but alone.
When my friends ask me if Duke is gay-friendly... I try and say something lame to the effect of "I have gay friends!" or "We have an LGBT Center!" but then end up telling them to just fucking go to Harvard.
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